![]() ![]() Labeling is putting a name or tag on an idea that then allows it to be dismissed. Labeling was the least immediately clear to me, but like many things once understood it can be seen everywhere. The authors define violence as consisting “of any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view.” As with silence, violence comes in three flavors controlling, labeling and attacking. Of the three, masking which includes the use of sugar coating and sarcasm, is a common problem I observe in meetings when all the participants do not feel psychologically safe.Īnother outcome of scenarios that are not safe is violence. The most common forms of silence are masking, avoiding, and withdrawing. The authors use the term silence to mean “the act of purposely withholding information from a dialogue.” Silence is more than the lack of sound and can be accomplished by obscuring information and meaning via word games or just avoiding a topic entirely. When safety is an issue, silence is a common outcome. The book suggests that in situations where people feel safe they can say anything (and infers the opposite). Lack of safety generates fear, which shuts a dialog down. In order to be good at crucial conversations, you need to be able to watch and recognize signs that not everyone feels that they can freely put information into a common pool (definition of a dialog from Chapter 2). In scenarios where safety is an issue participants will shut down or become aggressive. The second level of observation is looking for safety problems – this is really emotional safety or psychological safety. Hence the title of the chapter, Learn To Look, and my earlier comment about the need for practice. ![]() Dual-processing is no mean feat, requiring concentration and practice. In order to notice this, you need to pay attention to tone and body language even while you participate in the dialog. ![]() The physical indicators include pointing fingers, loud talking, withdrawing, and other forms of body language. The process begins with learning to spot when dialog begins to go off track. The book calls this “dual-processing.” This is something I occasionally have difficulty doing it takes continuous practice and a process. People that are good with crucial conversations observe both the content and conditions of the dialog they are participating in. The goal of the story is to point out that recognizing inflection points in dialogs and how you react to them is important in not ending up with a mess. The protagonist in the example does not see the turning point, nor does he understand how things went so wrong so quickly. Ĭhapter 4 begins with an example of a crucial conversation gone wrong. The chapter is titled, Learn to Look: How To Notice When Safety Is At Risk. This week we focus on Chapter 4 of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. ![]()
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